Jacked Uped Toes

This weekend, my darling friends treated me to a pedicure. And by treated, I mean they had a coupon and shared their wealth with me. They are the sweetest. Free pedicures? Uh, of course  I am down. We went to a beauty school and I was pretty pumped about being pampered. Lotions were rubbed, feet were scrubbed, and nails were filed (but not clipped, because hello, apparently they are no longer allowed to clip nails because nail clippers are considered a weapon-who knew?) I didn't. I then picked my color. I am semi tan, so I went with a "hot coral". That color would make my feet look smokin'. Well, it should have. 

Have you ever seen the movie Mean Girls? I am sure you have. The young lady doing my nails reminded me slightly of Karen. Bless her heart. But, she sort of looked like her and was slightly ditzy. And by slightly, I mean really.

Upon applying the nail polish, this girl-we shall call her Karen- began painting my nails horizontally. Um, hello. You do not do that. All humans know you paint the polish vertically onto your nails. As she continued to paint, she used approximately about half the bottle. I could see the polish clumping on my big toe. She then looked at the girl next to her and said, 

"Karen": "Excuse me, was this polish really clumpy when you put it on?"

Girl beside her: " No. It went on just fine."

"Karen":Oh, yeah yeah mine is going on smooth too".

FALSE.

She then continued to paint the polish the wrong direction. While she did this, she put her hand over my big toe so that I could not judge with my judgy eyes what she was doing. She also kept looking suspiciously from side to side...like she was cheating on a test. Yeah, not fishy at all. She continued to move on to my other toes. I am not sure how she had enough polish to finish  all my nails because she painted so much on each toe, not to mention half of it was everywhere but on my nail.  

She then finished. Looked back at my foot and says-as if she is astonished-

"Wow, I really jacked up your toes."

Baby girl, jacked up is an understatement. If this pedicure had not had been free I would have sued. Once we got outside,  I looked down at my ankle and noticed I still had foot scrubbed all the way up my calf- white, crusty, foot scrub.  Upon arriving home, I immediately removed the polish off my toes and repainted those bad boys to a nice shade of blue.  

Moral of the story: Free pedicures are never worth it. 

Thank you, Karen for jacking up my toes.