Hello butt, where art thou?

Bootylicious. 

Greedy. 

Really? Rub it in. 

Why yes, this baby has a bigger rear than me. 

          Abby, you have such a catching smile. I wish I had hair like yours. You have great calves.  These are all compliments I have received at some point in my life. And don't get me wrong, they are all super flattering and never get old. Thank you if you have ever given me one-it always makes my day. Please do not take me to be ungrateful. Everyone likes to be complimented, right? Problem is, one thing-my butt.  Compliments there are slim and none. Why? Because no one knows it is there. Where the heck is it hiding?  No matter how hard I try to convince myself I have one, I don't. I am not saying I want a ghetto booty-because no offense-I have not achieved ghetto fabulous status-also, I am white. But, it would be nice to have a little something something. Instead my back forms one continuous connection with my legs. I have tried arching my back, buying pants that are supposed to be magical and "enhance your butt", I even have tried doing specific exercises just to see if I really do have a gluteus maximus. And guess what? Ain't nothing there. Today my mom told me she thought my butt was getting smaller? Uh. Not possible.
           I would say I have an athletic build-so naturally I would think I should have something. I run and work out- so I expect a little bit of tone. Seriously though, my friends who weigh 40 pounds less are more bootylicious than me. Let's get serious. Some men have bigger fannies than I. Oh really? Not fair. In anatomy I learned the average human has 3 layers to their gluteus. You have your gluteus maximus, your gluteus medias, and your gluteus minimus-I am pretty sure I was only given a gluteus minimus.
         I am grateful for what I have been given though. I shouldn't complain. But sometimes, it would be nice to not have to wear a belt. It would be nice to know that I have child bearing hips and that birthing my future children won't one day be so painful. But, I guess I will take what I can get. I may or may not have looked into gluteal implants-just out of curiosity. Probably it is not the best option, not to mention all the cash monies it would take.  I have learned to accept my non-existent rump- although I will continue to keep my fingers crossed that one day I look in the mirror and see just a small bump. Sometimes I like to argue it's there- but let' be honest- De Nile is not just a river in Egypt. It's probably good I was never a booty shaker. It would have been an epic fail. It's hard to shake what your mama didn't give you.